Advice

Do You Get Angry or Upset?

Do you get angry?
Do you get upset?
Don't do anything that you’ll regret.

That’s the number one piece of advice we’d like to give to anyone reading this right now. It’s okay to get angry or upset when life gives you a raw deal or treats you unfairly. But no matter how angry or upset you get, please never do anything that you'll regret.

Your life is too valuable.
Your life is too important.
Don't do anything that you’ll regret.



What does that mean?

What does it mean to do something that you’ll regret? It means later on you’ll wish you hadn’t done it. It means that you might end up paying for the consequences of it for a very long time.

For instance, you might regret losing your job, getting beaten up, getting thrown out of school, contracting a deadly disease or becoming homeless.

Another extreme example would be getting arrested and going to jail. These are just a few of the things you might regret if they happened to you.

What are some things you might regret doing?

Some of the things you might regret doing include:

These are just a few of the things you might regret doing.

If you feel like you might do any of these things, or anything you might regret, the first thing to do is to STOP and don’t do anything for the moment!

Four Quick Steps To No Regrets

When we get angry, there are four steps we take to make sure that we don’t do anything we’ll regret. We do this immediately, before we even think about resolving the issues that made us angry.

We call them Four Steps To No Regrets. Here is our four step process:

1) We zipper and think.

2) We put our hands together.

3) We take a deep breath and relax.

4) We become good and angry.

Zipper and Think

1) Zipper and think.

One of the first things we do when we get upset is- we zipper our mouths closed and think about what we are going to say. We think about what words we are going to allow to come out of our mouths when we open them up again.

Here at The Good, the Cool and the Angry we certainly didn’t invent this idea or make it up. Throughout our lives many of us have been told by our teachers, friends and family members to, “Zipper it.”

Sometimes it’s good advice.

Just make believe you have a zipper on your mouth. If you find yourself about to say something that you might regret, close the zipper so that no words come out of your mouth until you think about how you can best express yourself.

(It is important that we all learn how to express ourselves so that we can let the world know why we are upset or angry and deal with the issues in our lives. At another time, we’ll discuss this.)

But for now, our main goal is to make sure that you never say anything that you’ll regret.

Here are some examples of things you might regret saying:

These are all things you might regret saying, because they can get you in trouble. If you feel like you might say anything that you might regret, then zipper your mouth immediately, don’t say anything for the moment and think carefully about what you are going to say.

Zipper and think!

Put your hands together

2) Put your hands together.

At the same time, gently put your hands together. Don’t do it in a way that hurts you, but in a way that makes sure that your hands are not going used for releasing your anger.

Here are some things you might regret doing with your hands:

These are all things that you might regret. If you feel like you might do any of them, gently put your hands together instead.

Take a deep breath and relax

3) Take a deep breath and relax.

The next thing you want to do is to take a deep breath and let your body relax.

There is a somewhat special way to do this that can help you to relax easier.

Athletes, entertainers and other performers know that there are breathing techniques - ways to breathe - that can help our bodies to perform better.

To do this, we use our stomachs to breathe. Our stomachs pull the air through our lungs and push it back out.

Teachers who give singing lessons and even some guidance counselors often refer to this as Belly Breathing.

When you’re upset and want to take a relaxing, deep breath, you might want to try doing it like this:

Sometimes people have commented at this point, “I thought we were supposed to zipper our mouths shut.”

We are, but only in terms of talking. In terms of breathing, we do need to open our mouths in order to exhale.

As you breathe the air out, imagine that, along with it, all the anger that is in you is also being pushed out.

Then relax and imagine that you’ve just released the anger from inside you, and now it is out of you. Your body is anger–free!

(If you still feel angry, you might want to repeat this several times. While breathing by itself may not always make all of your anger disappear forever, it should help you to relax and feel more peaceful.)

Become Good and Angry

4) We become Good and Angry.

If you follow the first three steps, you will do a great job of avoiding problems.

We want to do more than that. We want to live in a world where even when we get angry we can still enjoy life and be successful.

How do we do that?

We become Good and Angry.

Actually, we become Angry and Good.

We force ourselves to do something good for a friend or someone else in our angriest moments.

Here’s how we go about it.

First, we acknowledge our rage and the reason why we are angry.

(For example, “I’m angry and filled with rage with because somebody called me a nasty name and tried to put me down.”)

Second, we tell ourselves that it’s okay to be angry because of what the world has allowed to happen to us.

(For example, “It’s okay for me to be angry if somebody calls me a nasty name.”)

Third, we remind ourselves that if we are going to allow ourselves to be angry, we have to force ourselves to do something good for a friend or someone else.

(For example, “If I'm going to allow myself to be angry because somebody called me a name, I have to immediately force myself to do something good for someone”.)

We say force ourselves, because we certainly won't feel like doing it.

Most of us probably won’t feel like doing anything good if the world has treated us badly or given us a raw deal. But we know that it is what we have to do if we want to live in a new and amazing world.

Imagine if all the angry people in the world suddenly stopped right now and did something good for someone else.

Think about how much better the world would be. Think about how much less destruction there would be.

You might ask, “What about the issues that make us angry? What if we are angry about all of the injustice in the world? Are we saying that we shouldn’t do anything about it?”

Not at all. Please, everyone reading this, go out and change the world and make it a better place. But while you're changing it, if you get angry about the unfairness in the world; 1) Don’t do anything you’ll regret and 2) Make sure you do something good for somebody else.

In other words, in addition to dealing with all of the issues in the world that make us angry, we want to force ourselves do something good for someone else because we are angry.

That way, we can all live in a world where angry people do good things.

Here are some things we do when we get angry:

We now know that it’s possible to be angry, even filled with rage, and do something decent for another person.

And we definitely won’t do anything we regret. We’ll be too busy doing something good for someone. Later on, when we cool off, we can start to deal with the issues that have made us angry.

What about What

What about what makes us angry?

What about the specific things that happen every day in our lives with our families or at school that have caused our anger?

(This is different then being angry about injustice or unfairness in the world. This is about anger caused by things that have happened personally to you.)

Like when someone puts you down.

Or you have a problem at home.

There are issues in your lives that occasionally you do need to deal with.

Often it is best to do this with the assistance of a trained professional.

We here at The Good, The Cool and The Angry are not psychologists, psychiatrists or counselors. We try to offer sound and practical advice that will help people to keep problems out of their lives.

If you need assistance from a professional to deal with various issues, look on our link page. We offer links to organizations of various types of professional counselors.

If you contact them they should be able to provide you with the names of individuals in their professions who can help you.

But before you leave us please remember this:

Also, remember to look back here in the future. We will be offering new segments and sharing new ideas on different topics, such as how to diplomatically talk to people who make you angry in order to get along better. (You can also email us and let us know what subjects you’d like us to discuss.)

But right now, our main concern is that even if life makes you angry or upset-don't do anything you'll regret!

Try our Four Steps To No Regrets! You might even make some new friends along the way.

Don't do anything you'll regret!



WRITTEN BY DAVE STREET
COPYRIGHT 2003, 2006 BY DAVE STREET
CONDENSED FROM THE BOOK
HOW TO REALLY MANAGE OUR ANGER AND SAVE OUR PLANET
By
Dave Street, Ed. M.

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